back to page 1... Stern,
who has a degree in psychology, says she designed The Relationship
Tool Kit to be "meaty and substantive." The "relationship
spa experience," as she describes her hybrid publication,
is intended to improve a couple’s interpersonal dynamics,
without sparking "really serious problems that are better
handled with a professional in the room." "I wanted it
to be fun, obviously," says the 40-something relationship
maven. "I wanted it to be for couples who are in good relationships." Basically,
the "relationship workshop in a box," in Stern’s
words, encourages couples to renew the "really sweet feelings" that
once characterized their relationship. The experience of doing
The Relationship Tool Kit is "profound, but it plays like
a game," she comments. The pitch to guys appears on the back
of the box: "Just imagine. For $24.95, you’ll never
have to hear, “Honey, let’s talk...again."
The Relationship Tool Kit can also be of value to engaged couples and newlyweds,
Stern claims. "There’s this whole movement toward marriage preparation" in
many religions, she points out, adding that many couples approaching marriage
today often have lived together for an extended period of time.
A native of St. Louis Park, Stern has used her life experiences as the launching
point for her books. Thus, Reflections for Newlyweds and Expecting Change:The
Emotional Journey Through Pregnancy reflect her early married days and two difficult
pregnancies, respectively, while Starting Over: Meditations for Divorced Women
derives from another phase of her journey in life.
Since this is the "AJW Wedding Guide," it’s best not to dwell
on the D-I-V-O-R-C-E topic, however, Stern’s children also have penned
a volume. Her daughter, Zoe, and son, Evan, collaborated on Divorce Is Not the
End of the World: Zoe and Evan’s Coping Guide for Kids. Zoe, 21, has now
written four books, according to Stern, who says, "That’s sort of
what we do in our family, we write books."
And write and write. Stern started her publishing career working for her parents,
Frank and Rosalie Kiperstin, and now says that she has one million books in print.
Out of a small rattan suitcase, she pulls two hardcover Hebrew editions of her
books. "The books are translated into Italian, Spanish, Chinese, Korean,
Dutch, Portuguese," she mentions. "Again, you can get that all off
the Web site." (Information about Stern?s books and seminars can be found
at: www.ellensuestern.com.)
When she’s not writing books and magazine articles, Stern lectures and
conducts workshops. In this area, she has accepted a post as "celebrity
ambassador" with the National MS Society, and speaks on "Silver Linings:
Opening the Gifts of Chronic Illness and Other Life Crises." "I had
been sick for quite a long time," she allows. Indeed, for more than 20 years
Stern has been in pain from migraine headaches, and was recently diagnosed as
having multiple sclerosis (MS).
"I use a lot of Jewish stuff when I talk and when I teach," Stern points
out, when the subject gets back to relationships and The Relationship Took Kit
in the shiny red cardboard box. Putting people together, getting them to once
again "tap into their feelings of gratitude and appreciation" for one
another exemplifies Stern’s take on the Jewish value of tikkun olam, repairing
the rent fabric of society. For Stern, the key thing is "re-pair," in
the sense of helping couples get their relationships back on track.
Although she’s ailing and has experienced some heartbreaks, Ellen Sue Stern
still has some gizmos in her psychological toolbox that she’d like to share
with couples looking to pay more attention to their relationships. People have
the capacity to forgive each other, she says, and to make things right. "We’re
perfectly imperfect human beings," Stern says.
