By Steve Rushin - Sports Illustrated
11/10/03
Kobe thinks he wears the pants in the family, Shaq thinks that he does. Kobe
complains that Shaq doesn't call, Shaq complains that Kobe's aloof. Kobe threatens
to walk out on Shaq, Shaq tells him to go right ahead. And so Kobe says, in a
moment of cruelty, that Shaq's butt has gotten big. Sound familiar? "It
sounds like a marriage," says Dr. Joyce Brothers. When Shaq says Kobe hogs
the ball, he might as well be talking about the covers.
What Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant really need, if the Los Angeles Lakers
are to win another title, isn't the Mailman. It's Dr. J. Says Dr. Joyce, "Some
people are incompatible, and the best thing for them to do is divorce. But a
really good coach might be able to stop this squabbling." Good coach? They
need a good marriage counselor. The Lakers are way beyond Coach Phil and now
require Dr. Phil, who likes to say, "Competing can quickly turn a relationship
into an ugly battle of one-upmanship. How can you possibly be a winner if it
is at the expense of making the person you supposedly love a loser?"
This couple keeps playing "He Said, He Said," Shaq insisting he's the
Man, Kobe suggesting that he's the Man. "Constant one-upping can be a real
issue in all relationships," says Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, a psychologist and
couples counselor based in New York City. "It goes on with parents and children,
with office workers. The Lakers need to understand that each person is a Man,
working toward a common purpose. And when that happens -- when a team is like
five fingers on a hand -- they will be unstoppable."
But Shaq says Kobe is selfish, and Kobe says Shaq is childish. "Therapists
call this displacement," says Audrey B. Chapman, a family therapist in Washington,
D.C., where she hosts a radio show aimed at African-American listeners. "We
displace our anger, frustration and fear onto something else." Like the
uncapped toothpaste. Or the seat left up. Or the missed first day of training
camp in Hawaii.
"I think O'Neal is angry and frustrated with the amount of attention Kobe
has gotten lately [for his upcoming rape trial]," says Chapman. "And
while it's negative attention, it still takes away from O'Neal, who is handling
it by getting personal. Character assassination. You see that a lot with couples
that are competitive."
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