back to page 1... When
it comes to basketball, Dr. Joyce is not Dr. Jack Ramsay. ("Now,
was Shaq also the coach of the Lakers?" she asks me.) However,
she does know human nature. "Both Shaq and Kobe are used to
being the moon and the sun and the stars," she says, in her
soothing purr of a voice that's familiar to audiences from 50 years
of American television. "Kobe is getting an enormous amount
of publicity at the moment -- not all of it good, granted -- and
Shaq is used to having that. Now, he has to compete for it."
Indeed, Kobe agrees that Shaq is jealous. (Shaq says Kobe is.) Kobe says Shaq
exaggerates his own injuries. (Shaq says Kobe won't play hurt.) The question
is, Can this marriage be saved? "These two guys are not relationship-savvy
enough to stop the cycle," says Ellen Sue Stern, author of Loving an Imperfect
Man and He Just Doesn't Get It. "This sounds to me like, 'My d--- is bigger
than your d---.'"
Not literally, mind you. At least not yet. But few would be surprised if it came
to that. Says Chapman, "When you have two massive egos like this, each would
rather have his own arm chopped off than submit to the other." That, too,
could happen this season.
For now, Kobe has told Shaq he'll walk out on the Lakers after this season. "When
that threat is in the air in a marriage, it's very dangerous, because it creates
an insecurity," says Shoshanna, author of, appropriately enough, Why Men
Leave. "Issues of abandonment are stirred up. It says to the partner, 'I
can't count on this person, this person's not really there for me.' It's not
a good note to strike, in a relationship or on a sports team."
So what can be done? "I would say the same to Shaq and Kobe as I'd say to
Arafat and Sharon or any other alpha males who have a hard time dealing with
these things," says Stern. "I'd say, 'What doesn't get better does
get worse. Would you rather be right or make things right?'"
Alas, these alpha males keep rising to the bait of us zeta males in the media.
We're toxic friends, driving wedges between Shaq and Kobe. Instead of listening
to Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus author John Gray ("Forgiveness
is power"), they listen to reporter Jim Gray ("Shaq says that you have
not been a team player, [Kobe]. Is he right?").
And so the unholy union of O'Neal and Bryant might be worse than a bad marriage,
as I learned the other morning, when my phone rang at home. "This is Dr.
Joyce Brothers. I thought of one other thing," she said. "At least
when two people are feuding in a marriage, they get to have make-up sex."
Sigh. This could be a very long winter in Los Angeles.
Issue date: November 10, 2003
